Expanders to Implants to Flat closure, nipple sparing 9.5

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This is who I am now, a one-boobed woman. A warrioress who has gone to the depths of the dark night of the soul, many many times, and has come back stronger, more graceful and more grateful than ever for LIFE. 

One-boobed woman after mastectomy

The journey wasn’t supposed to end like this.. but it did. The only thing I could look forward to after making the heart-wrenching decision to have a double mastectomy after the cancer came back a year after the lumpectomies, was getting bigger boobs! I did the whole tissue expander thing during chemo and patiently waited 5 months post radiation to do the last surgery to get the saline implants. This was going to be the last step before being able to rebuild my life, post two cancer diagnosis at the age of 32 and 34. My adorable plastic surgeon warned me that since I had had a previous lumpectomy and radiation that it would be a tricky surgery but alas I was very pleased with the results. FINALLY THE END! Five weeks after the exchange surgery and after two post-op appointments showing that everything was healing nicely, I woke up to liquid coming out, a completely red breast and chills. After sending a picture to my plastic surgeon they told me to get to an ER asap where they told me it was definitely infected and we could either do emergency surgery or a 2-day hospital stay on IV antibiotics to try to clear the infection. “Let’s try the antibiotics!” I said, tears streaming down my face. During those two days in the hospital, I prayed hard, I asked other people to pray with me, but to no avail. After two days the infection was still there and emergency surgery to remove the implant was done. 
The only other breast reconstruction option is the flap surgery, but my tired body has declared that she has had enough. I just can’t put myself through yet another surgery, especially for aesthetic reasons, so I am learning to love my chest as she is now. I rarely even wear the boob prosthetic as I decided, why hide it?